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I grew up in a Christian family attending Sunday School as a boy. We presented the facade of a “godly family”, being very regular in our church attendance. However, this was nowhere near the truth. Since my earliest memory, Dad and Mum often quarreled. Mum would fly into a rage and stomp out of the house. My siblings and I would huddle together trembling, staying up all night to wait anxiously for her return. Mum also frequently blackmailed us emotionally with killing herself if we would not do what she commanded. Not knowing how to process these traumatic moments in our little minds, fear, guilt and shame gripped us as we felt that it was our fault and disobedience that caused Mum to be angry and “abandon” us. In my school-going years, I had frequent nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night with tears, screaming for Mum to leave me alone. Anger towards Mum harbored in my heart over those formative years that turned into deep resentment that distanced my relationship with her. I grew increasingly rebellious towards Mum who had become immensely controlling. I loathe speaking with her in my adulthood because anger would simply well up when I hear her voice. Ironically, we continued going to church as “good” Christians. Only the Lord knew how broken I was.

I chanced upon Zion Healing Centre through a well-meaning Christian friend who knew that all of us had been “suffering” under Mum’s emotional outbursts and tantrums. I had not the slightest idea as to what this centre was doing, and naively thought the folks there could cast out any demon in Mum. It was nothing short of a miracle that I managed to convince Mum and accompanied her to the Pre-Ministry class. Little did I know that Abba Father had planned everything in His good pleasure. The class spoke about body/soul/spirit, open doors to woundings in the human spirit, generational iniquities, soul-ties, unforgiveness, work of the Holy Spirit, the Lordship of Jesus etc. Being indoctrinated in a traditional church, I was amazed at the teachings because most of them were new to me! I felt that I was the one who needed prayer ministry because I simply could not bring myself to love Mum.

Over my 4 prayer ministry sessions, the Holy Spirit revealed so many wounds in my heart that I had not realized. Likened to peeling an onion, the Holy Spirit lovingly went deeper and deeper, layer by layer digging up all the hurts, shame, guilt, regrets and sense of unworthiness that were buried in the deepest recesses of my heart. These were shoved even deeper into the abyss with the decades of estrangement. In a vision, I saw myself as a caged animal in a circus freak show being paraded by the circus master before the crowd. The Lord showed me that He took me out of that cage and cuddled me in His bosom. In another vision, I was transported back in time as a little naked boy in a bath tub while Abba Father was lovingly bathing me, telling me that He was cleaning me up. For the first time in my life, the burdens that I have been carrying all those years preventing me from loving my Mum were lifted off. He removed my fetters, opened the prison doors for me and led me out! Isaiah 61:1-2/Luke 4:18 came alive! Abba was binding up my wounds and healing my broken heartedness (Psalms 147:3). I was then able to release forgiveness to those who had hurt me deeply. I began to understand that Mum was a victim of her own traumatic childhood, having lost her own mother to cancer at a very young age and was afterwards emotionally abused by her step-mother in her growing years. She developed her defensive “personality” out of a broken heart and wounded spirit – using domination, control, intimidation manipulation and accusation as a pre-emptive mechanism to protect herself from getting hurt by others, and not understanding why she was doing it. It is no wonder that Jesus on the cross asked the Father to forgive the Jews for they did not know what they were doing. I was to forgive Mum in the same way.

I then realized how powerful this ministry of Inner Healing and Deliverance was! This divine experience helped me understand the wounds and trauma I had suffered in my youth, giving me compassion and love towards Mum and others that I had found difficult to forgive. It was as if I had put on a new pair of lenses that helped me see through the human brokenness. Thank you Jesus for bringing me out of darkness to walk in freedom in your kingdom! All glory to Abba Father!

Mr. Gan Chong Min, Jan 2024

 

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